fear

I once heard someone say "having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body" I agree with this statement completely but never knew exactly what the words will feel like until today.

All three of us were walking down the hill towards home after coming from an afternoon bbq at our neighbors. Leon was strapped unto Chris in the Bjorn facing front and in a split second I witnessed Chris misstep and fall forward... all the way down on the concrete street. In an instant my head went numb and there was a buzz in my ears. Chris got up to face me and as I was bracing myself to see a bloody and bruised child- I reached out to undo Leon off of the Bjorn all while slowly realizing that our baby is intact. Despite the freak fall that could have caused devastating damage on our 5 month old baby boy- he came out of it with a quarter size red bump on the center of his forehead. My guess is that he screamed and cried more from being scared of the fall rather than the pain from his bumped head. Chris and I both agreed that even though Leon seemed fine as soon as we got home we could not take any chances so off to the ER of Cedar Sinai we were.

Leon was smiling, cooing and totally his old self by the time we got checked in. The doctor himself said that when 'lil babies get hurt it mostly is harder on the parents to deal with whatever caused their child pain.

I don't know how couples survive after a freak accident cause pain, damage or worse- the life of their child.

I have never felt the fear I felt today- not even for my own self. Chris and I would have never ever forgiven ourselves if anything terrible happened to Leon today.

As I sit here on our couch with my sweet husband across me, his one knee badly scraped and most likely black and blue by tomorrow- I thank God that him and Leon- the two people I love the most in this world are alright. Today more than ever I believe that there are guardian angels.